Movie Night
by wow.fanfic
Summary: Olivia is surprised when it is Astrid who helps her adjust to being back in her own dimension.
1. Chapter 1

**Author-Becky**

**Fandom and Pairing: Fringe Olivia Dunham and Astrid Farnsworth**

**Disclaimer: I soooo don't own the TV show Fringe or any of its characters**

**Rated: M for later chapters**

**Warnings: This seems a bit stupid to me but I suppose if you're a homophobic idiot you deserve to be warned that this is about lesbians. Spoilers through season three.**

They were lounging on opposite ends of the small sofa in Astrid's apartment, both relaxed and enjoying another 'movie night', as Olivia had come to think of these evenings. It was strange but these were the times when she felt most at home in her rightful dimension again. She and Astrid had previously enjoyed an easy working relationship. She had always felt at ease with the other woman in the occasional casual social setting they sometimes found themselves in, being the only two people that were truly trusted by the Bishop men who were almost certainly the key to saving their universe. But before her return she had never really had occasion to spend much time alone with the junior agent.

She had only seen Astrid's apartment once when they had taken Peter and Walter out for dinner and they had all had a little too much to drink. She had obviously been embarrassed at how much more intoxicated she had become than the taller woman even though they drank the same amount, and had tried to argue she could get a cab herself, and certainly make her own way home. Olivia who was also a bit woozy would hear nothing of it though; she had talked Astrid into coming out with them in the first place and felt responsible for her.

She not only shared the cab back to the smaller woman's apartment but insisted on walking her upstairs, helping her strip down to her under things and tucking her in. Astrid had pretty much passed out upon her head hitting the pillow. Knowing the hangover that was waiting for younger agent in the morning Olivia had found some aspirin and placed the bottle and a tall glass of water on her night stand.

She remembered thinking how adorable and sweet the diminutive woman looked as she snored lightly curled up in tight ball, she had been unable to resist leaning down and giving her a light little peck on her temple, as she often did when she was putting Ella to bed. That's when she heard Astrid's barely audible murmur of '_ove you Livia'. _Returning to the cab that she had waiting with the meter running she had tried to laugh it off as the booze talking but still had a warm fuzzy feeling as she climbed into her own bed and fell asleep replaying the sweet endearment in her mind.

They had started these casual little get togethers a few months ago _when_ Olivia had returned from the other dimension. She was already overwhelmed with fatigue and stress from the sheer nightmare of her time being trapped in the strange other world so much like her own and yet mind bogglingly different, where everything and everyone made her question her very sanity. She had expected finally getting home to be a perfect all encompassing relief, not just for herself, but also for those who must have been going out of their own minds with worry for her. To say she was shocked to find that she had not even been missed would have been the understatement of the century. Upon discovering that the home she left behind, her family, co-workers…Peter had all been fooled by the alternate version of herself who had completely insinuated herself into _**Olivia's **_life, made the agent physically ill.

It was creepy enough to think about the other 'her 'living in her apartment, greeting neighbors and other casual acquaintances. The idea of the imposter spending time with her family left her truly unnerved. It was more than just a little unsettling that Racheal, who knew her better than anyone else, had been fooled by her doppelganger. She had been mortified to find that during her alternate's time here she had been very thorough in sticking to Olivia's normal routine including the occasional sleepovers she had with Ella. Her innocent young niece who meant more to her than anyone or anything else in the world left alone with that-_that woman_ made her skin crawl. Knowing that because of her, because of her dangerous crazy job the little girl was left alone and defenseless with her alternate self, made her heart ache with guilt.

She was positive with all of this she had endured all one mind could possibly be expected to, only to learn of Peter's-infidelity? No, Indiscretion? No it wasn't even that. After even the smallest amount of time to rationally consider the reality of the situation, she recognized he had not stood a chance against the other woman who was her total duplicate in every way. In fact even if he had sought comfort in an entirely different woman in her absence, there would have been no betrayal as they had never actually verbally declared what they were feeling for one another in so many words. He was a single man with no obligation to her. That of course did nothing to quell the almost unbearable ache in her chest at the thought of him making love to her doppelganger while she was desperately clinging to the image of him her mind had created as a lifeline on the other side. That imagined representation of Peter Bishop having been a large part of her incentive to not give up altogether on the hope of ever returning home.

After a couple of days of the leave that Broils had ordered her to take, she was disturbingly close to succumbing to the inhuman pressure that seemed to just keep building. She had scrubbed down every surface in her home, washed every inch material down to the curtains and furniture upholstery, thrown away a great deal of her wardrobe and then done it all over again.

On the third evening she had been eyeing the bottle of sleeping pills the doctor had prescribed that had thus far been useless, even though she had already at least doubled the recommended dosage more than once in an effort to reach the sweet oblivion of sleep. She was wondering how much she could take without risking overdosing when she found herself grinning goofily, as she tried to decide if that wasn't such a bad idea. The term 'ignorance is bliss' suddenly came to mind as she pondered the resulting brain damage from such an OD and covered her mouth to stifle the giggles that bubbled up from somewhere deep in her gut that sounded insane even to her own ears.

The knock had come at a very fortuitous time. When she thought back to that moment she liked to think that she would not have actually been capable of such a thing. Olivia Dunham was many things; emotionally unavailable, socially inept, and prone to morbidity. What she wasn't, what she had never been…was a quitter. God knew she had tolerated more than your average person could even fathom in her short life, but throughout, giving up had never even occurred to her. Shaking her head to clear the hazy fog that had settled in sometime yesterday after going longer than she imagined possible without sleep, she stood up on shaky legs and made her way over to the front door.

Met with Astrid's kind and concerned face she had finally and fully broken down. She felt herself crumbling right there in her doorway without any power to stop it. All of her strength seemed to seep right out of every pore in her body. She remembered the younger woman rushing in to throw her arms around her holding her up and quickly helping her over to the nearby sofa.

Olivia had cried for longer than she could remember doing since her mom died. Astrid was perfect, just holding her and rocking her whispering soothing words into her hair. She didn't question her on what was wrong, because…well, she knew. She didn't try to tell her everything would be fine or offer her any silly platitudes on _what didn't kill her_ or _building character_ through trying times. What she did do was wait patiently for Olivia's gut wrenching sobs to subside.

When the blonde eventually managed to catch her breath she was mortified that she had fallen apart in front of a co-worker, and it then occurred to her, a friend. She stammered apologies and humiliated excuses at her outburst which were met with a deep disapproving frown and a command to hush. Astrid had bitterly muttered something about the rubber room she would be currently be occupying if she had been made to endure a fraction of what the other woman had recently been through. Astrid felt as if she could fly when she saw the small shy smile grace that beautiful face and the knowledge that she had put it there.

The diminutive FBI special agent meant what she said about the rubber room. She was not especially adept at handling the day to day worries of real life. When her mind was left to do too much thinking on what would, could or even might happen in the everyday world, _in her world_ she was prone to panic attacks and extreme bouts of depression. She had known for what seemed like forever that she was intensely oversensitive, her feelings were hurt at the drop of a hat or she would become irrationally upset with some current state of affairs that could hardly be helped. When she was battling these demons she went one of two ways. She would close herself off as much as possible from anything outside of her safe little bubble or she would rush out headlong into the nearest turmoil she could find to replace her unfounded anxieties with those of others.

Ironically however she had always been remarkable under pressure. She had always been complimented on her ability to deal with a crisis. The first time she remembered was in sixth grade, she had actually talked two older boys that virtually dwarfed Astrid out of a fist fight. The teacher who had been hurrying to intervene had actually hung back when she saw the amazing scene unfolding before her. Much to young Astrid's chagrin, she had actually phoned Mrs. Farnsworth with high praise for her daughter's astonishing diplomatic abilities.

The teacher hadn't meant to cause trouble for her, but nevertheless that phone call had put her in a world of misery for nearly a week before her mother seemed to forget about it and move on. Momma had always adamantly warned her to stay as far away from the notice of others as possible, "_if they didn't see you-they wouldn't go after you," _was the paranoid schizophrenic's simple reasoning.

Since then she had officially been celebrated four times for keeping a level head in an extreme situation. Once at university when she had virtually single handedly derailed an impending riot between peace activists and ROTC students. The other three were commendations given in the line of duty by the Federal Bureau of Investigation.

Astrid wanted nothing more than to help her to bed, seeing the sheer exhaustion that the blonde was clearly experiencing. She wanted to hold her and make everything alright. At the suggestion Olivia had begun to tremble again, shaking her head and all but begging the darker woman to get her out of there, take her for a drink, a meal, a walk, anything that involved her escape from her apartment that represented too much pain right now.

Astrid squeezed her hand and told her to sit tight for a moment. She quickly made her way into the bedroom and efficiently packed up a bag for the older agent before coming back out carrying some running shoes she found in the back of her closet. She knelt down at Olivia's feet and carefully eased her feet into the shoes before lacing them up tightly and smiling up at the other woman confidently.

"So what say we get outta here?" she asked standing up and extending her hand to take Olivia's.

Olivia couldn't believe how overwhelmed she was with relief at the feel of the surprisingly strong tiny hand taking her own and helping her up. When Astrid through the strap of the duffle over her shoulder and turned to lead her out of the apartment she was surprised when Olivia stopped short. Holding her hand tightly effectively stopping the smaller woman in her tracks. "Astrid?"

Astrid turned to meet the other agent's eyes with concern. "What is it?"

"I just wanted to say…" Olivia began before faltering.

Astrid gave her a shy smile and nodded meaningfully knowing what Olivia had meant even if she couldn't find the words before they continued toward the front door.


	2. Chapter 2

**Title: Movie Night (chapter 2)**

**Author: Becky**

**Fandom and pairing: Fringe's Olivia and Astrid**

**Warnings: Femslash(lesbians)**

**Spoilers: through season 3**

**Oh yeah disclaimer: Fringe and all of its characters are not mine, written purely for entertainment-chiefly mine-not profit**

**Rated: M for later chapters**

It was the first night Astrid rescued her from the dark thoughts and fears that seemed to lurk in every corner of her own apartment that Olivia slept, really slept, in longer than she could remember.

The younger agent had taken her to her own home and cooked her dinner. She had spent the time preparing the simple meal of spaghetti and meatballs, which she claimed was her specialty, talking softly about silly little Walter stories she had missed during her _hiatus,_ sensing the blonde wasn't ready to talk about anything too serious yet. They ate the simple home cooked meal in mostly companionable silence.

Though relieved to be out of the place that had been making her want to crawl out of her own skin, now she had no idea what to say or do beyond simply putting food in her mouth and trying to pay attention to Astrid's gentle chatter. Olivia tried to focus on the demure young agents words but knew she was only catching about half of what the other woman was saying.

Astrid wasn't expecting much of a response to her casual musings seeing that the other woman's attention span was clearly tenuous at best, but kept talking hoping her soft spoken familiar voice was offering some sort of comfort or distraction to her immediate superior, whom she had always looked up to and come to care a great deal for.

After dinner Astrid led her to the living room and urged her to have a seat on the small sofa while she went over to an old fashioned roll top desk across the warmly decorated room that had a tray on top if it with a few bottles of liquor and two tumblers. She took one of the bottles in her hand and grabbed the two glasses coming over to sit next to the blond. "Scotch Alright?" she asked smiling hopefully.

"Scotch is great." Olivia grinned recognizing Astrid's obvious desire to put her at ease, and appreciating it more than she could say.

Once she had poured them each two fingers she sat back on the love seat and took a small sip as she watched Olivia gulp hers down in one swallow before carefully replacing the glass on the coffee table.

"Listen, Astrid," the blonde began, "I wanted to say thank you for this," she gestured helplessly at the apartment, the kitchen table holding there leftovers, and the empty shot glass in front of her. "I don't know what I would be doing right now if you hadn't have showed up…but I do know I would still be on the verge of losing my shit and freaking out."

"Olivia please don't thank me." Astrid said in a small tight voice, "We-I should have known. We just left you there, I'm so sorry."

Olivia gaped at the smaller woman as Astrid finished her drink and filled both of their glasses again. "Astrid, it was not-"

Astrid downed half of her second glass in one swig, her face stony. "I've known you for how long?" She looked down at her lap ashamed. "I didn't know the difference."

"Astrid my sister didn't know the difference, my niece…" Olivia's voice caught in her throat with her own guilt brought on once again by the knowledge her loved ones had been at the mercy of the other her because of Olivia's job.

"They are not trained professional investigators who are expected to notice the slightest difference in someone's behavior or just be aware if-if… something-anything is off." Astrid stammered miserably her eyes dark with unspoken remorse finally looking up to meet the other woman's.

Olivia got a funny little wry grin on her face.

"What?" Astrid asked suspiciously as she went to sip her drink again.

"At least you didn't sleep with her." Olivia laughed loudly when Astrid nearly choked on her scotch. Then the younger woman joined her in a fit of giggles. She admired Olivia's mood lightening levity which she always seemed to have at the ready even in the darkest of situations, which in their line of work was quite a common occurrence.

"No," Astrid smiled, "I can assure you I didn't sleep with her."

This time Olivia reached for the bottle, "Do you mind?"

"That's what it's there for." Astrid said smiling happy that the Older Agent seemed to be finally starting to relax.

They talked a little while longer and Astrid suggested maybe Olivia just needed to get out of her head for a little while. She gestured to her collection of DVD's. "Wanna watch a movie?"

Olivia nodded thinking that sounded like a wonderful idea for distracting her from the current uncertain and unnerving state of her own life. "Sure, that sounds good."

By the time they were done tearing apart "Jane Austen's Book Club" they were both well on their way past tipsy.

"She was hot." Astrid said distractedly as she watched the credits roll.

"Which one?" Olivia grinned confidently, "The one that played the lesbian right, the cute chick from LOST?"

"Pffft." Astrid huffed, "No, the pretty one."

Olivia lifted her left eyebrow amused. "Which one of those actresses wasn't pretty?"

"No, no, no…I mean yeah they all definitely had _something_ goin' on. I meant the really gorgeous one with the dogs." She clarified in a patronizing tone shaking her head as if she were speaking to a kindergartener who had no idea how to recognize a beautiful woman.

"The blonde? She's probably old enough to be your mother." Olivia teased.

"Is not." Astrid argued belligerently.

Olivia seemed to give that some thought and then slurred, "Okay, maybe not here and now but in the hills of West Virginia in the twenties she definitely could have been your mom." Olivia smirked victoriously.

"Yeah because it was all the rage for blond teenage hillbillies in the twenties to be giving birth to cute little brown interracial babies." Astrid raised an eyebrow signifying she had clearly won the argument.

"Fine, maybe not likely to be your mom, but is she really your type?" Olivia inquired.

"Type?" Astrid asked her forehead furrowing with a cross of amusement and annoyance.

"Yeah I mean she doesn't look a lot like Abigail." Olivia pointed out.

Astrid felt herself stiffen at the mention of her ex-lover, whom Olivia didn't know was an ex at all. "Types are stupid." She said standing up a little too quickly in an effort to escape this particular discussion.

Olivia's face morphed into concern at the obvious discomfort her friend's features suddenly took on. When she saw Astrid bump her knee on the coffee table and begin to lose her balance she jumped up to grab the younger woman's arm easily righting her. Even three sheets to the wind Olivia's reflexes were enviable to most. She let go when she saw Astrid had regained her footing and sat back down smiling evilly as Astrid made her way, slowly this time, to the entertainment system.

"How much do you weigh?" Olivia suddenly asked.

Astrid stopped short as she was slipping the movie into its case and turned to stare at Olivia skeptically, "Why?"

"What like a buck? A buck ten?" Olivia pressed.

"That would be none of your business." Astrid said indignantly replacing the DVD on the shelf. "And what are you on about anyway?"

"Oh nothing," Olivia shrugged nonchalantly, "I was just wondering if the whole lightweight thing was figurative or literal."

"You are a jackass, and I am not a lightweight." Astrid said moving back across the room doing her best to prevent the slight sway in her step, "But I think it might be bedtime."

Olivia froze her face a mask of worry and embarrassment. "Right, I should probably call a cab."

"Nope." Astrid said simply, "You're sleeping here tonight."

"No," Olivia stood up shakily, "You've been great but I know you don't need a stressed out crazy lady on your couch."

Astrid laughed loudly.

"What's so funny?" Olivia asked.

"Olivia have you taken a good look at my couch? How tall are you?" she asked turning the tables on her friend.

"Huh?" Olivia asked taken off guard.

"Come on." Astrid walked over to her friend and took her hand in her own pulling her up, "My bed is big enough for the both of us."

"But-"Olivia began to argue not wanting to put the other woman out.

Astrid looked back at her with a slight grin, "Scared to sleep with the lesbian?"

"What?" Olivia looked mortified, "No, of course not."

"Good then I suggest we lay down before we fall down." Astrid said firmly leading her friend down the hall to her bedroom.

Olivia laughed a small laugh and easily followed the younger woman down the hall.

Inside the bedroom Astrid began changing into her pajamas almost unaware there was anyone else in the room.

Olivia stood there trying to avert her eyes from the tiny, beautiful woman who had come to save her from herself tonight.

Astrid seemed to notice Olivia all of a sudden. "Oh I'm sorry; here let me find you something."

Astrid quickly went to her closet to look through the clothes she had to choose from. She grabbed a long t-shirt Abby had left behind swallowing her ire and handing it over to the taller agent.

"Thanks." Olivia said softly taking the top and clumsily stripping out of her jeans and blouse.

A few minutes later they were both under the covers lying on their backs each of them wondering what the other was thinking.

Olivia was the first to speak, "Did you guys break up?" she asked gently, knowingly.

Astrid closed her eyes fighting the unshed tears she had been avoiding for weeks now and merely nodded.

In the bright moonlight Olivia saw the sad expression on her friends face. She automatically reached over to grab her friend's hand, holding it reassuringly. "Life's a bitch isn't she?"

Astrid chuckled sniffling and squeezed the other woman's hand. "Sure is."

Astrid's breathing didn't take long to slow down into easy deep breaths alerting the other woman to the fact that she had fallen asleep. When she tried to unthread her fingers from the younger woman's hand she found her hand suddenly in a vice grip and smiled as she left well enough alone falling into a relaxed slumber still holding Astrid's hand.

Astrid was the first to wake up the next morning. She owned an alarm clock but rarely used it as her own inner alarm clock was pretty reliable. It only took a second for her to realize she wasn't alone. There was a warm body snuggled into her side and her first half-awake thought was it was Abby before her brain registered the painful memory of their breakup. And speaking of pain she winced as she became aware of the pounding in her temples.

Then last night came back to her and her eyes shot open suddenly wide awake. She froze as she took in the position they were in. Olivia's head rested lightly on her shoulder and Astrid in turn had her arm slung protectively around the blonde's shoulders. Olivia's hand rested on her abdomen dangerously close to her breast. When she felt Olivia's warm even breath ghosting her neck she shivered and one thought came to mind, _Oh Shit._

If Abby could see her now she'd be in for a world of 'I told you so'. While she had always denied having any inappropriate feelings for her boss if she were honest with herself she might have to admit to a little crush. If it weren't for said 'little crush' her current predicament wouldn't seem quite so wrong.

She closed her eyes and took a deep thoughtful breath considering the best way to handle this. She could probably worm her way out of the other woman's embrace if she was careful…opening her eyes to glance down at Olivia she saw the relaxed peaceful expression on the older woman's face. Thinking about how horribly haunted and on the brink of a breakdown she had been when she found her alone in her apartment yesterday evening. The Idea of waking up the exhausted woman seemed cruel.

She forced herself to relax and lay still ignoring the need to go find some aspirin trying to tell herself that she was staying put out of concern for her friend and no other reason…like how comfy, cozy, and content she felt wrapped around Olivia. Also it was Saturday so unless Walter or Peter called what did she have better to do than sleep in? Soon she was drifting back into a deep slumber her headache forgotten.

_Olivia found herself strapped to the table in Walternets lab with he and that weasly little scientist of his smiling down benevolently at her. The carbon copy of her friend Walter, was thanking her for her great contribution in helping him to save his universe, consequently dooming hers. Dooming Ella, Racheal, Astrid…_

"No!" Olivia screamed as she jerked upright escaping the nightmare that she still wasn't entirely sure wasn't reality.

Astrid came awake quickly seeing Olivia's rigid sweating form trembling next to her in her bed. Her heart broke at the sheer terror so blatantly exposed in her friend's features. She sat up quickly reaching out to gingerly touch the blonde's shoulder. When Olivia started, spinning on the smaller woman with a slightly crazed look in her eyes she withdrew her hand. "Olivia, it's me, Its Astrid, your safe."

Olivia tried taking a couple of deep breaths trying to calm her heart that felt as if it were about to beat out of her chest. "Astrid-it's you, the real you?"

Astrid smiled kindly and tried again placing her hand on the older woman's arm supportively. "Yup," she smiled softly, "The real me. Your home now and it's all going to be ok."

Her heart broke when she saw Olivia's face crumple and the blonde fell against her sobbing. Astrid wrapped her arms tightly around her and whispered soothing reassurances into her soft hair.

**Three and a half months later…**

That was the end of their first 'movie night' and as Olivia sat on 'her' end of the couch munching on the popcorn she smiled at the memory of how safe Astrid had made her feel the morning after. Reaching into the bowl between them for another handful she collided with the other woman's hand and her smile grew brighter. She didn't know exactly what was going on with her but she found herself enjoying any kind of physical contact she found herself having with Astrid.


	3. Chapter 3

**Title: Movie night ( chapter 3)**

**Author: Becky**

**Fandom and Pairing: Fringe's Olivia Dunham and Astrid Farnsworth**

**Disclaimer: I do not own Fringe or either of the two wonderful characters in this story; I just enjoy playing with them. Not for profit. **

**Rating: M (as I said for later chapters)**

**Warning: OK so I'm supposed to say femmeslash, but see it took me a while to figure out what the heck that meant so I'm sticking with the good old fashioned "here there be lesbians."**

Astrid was perched on the built in window seat in her bedroom staring out at the unrelenting frozen precipitation that was blanketing her street at a rapidly increasing rate. She absently noted that the light flurries channel 8 had predicted were quickly becoming a full on storm. The wind, that couldn't seem to settle on one direction, was whipping the heavy sticky flakes around in random senseless patterns with the occasional little swirling funnels that looked like mini tornadoes. It did not escape her notice that the chaos outside was strikingly similar to her own fearsomely disjointed thoughts.

Glancing at the alarm clock on her night stand she noted, with some surprise, that it was after three. She didn't remember exactly when Olivia had left. Blurrily she recalled fixing herself a very stiff drink and swiftly gulping it down right after the blonde's tense departure, immediately followed by another. Halfway through the second one she forced herself to sip a little slower upon noticing the very welcome numb sensation spreading quickly through her body.

On autopilot she had tidied up the living room in a bit of a fuzzy haze not entirely brought on by the alcohol. She mindlessly deposited the silverware, popcorn bowl, empty plates and wine glasses in the sink. Astrid was most definitely a creature of habit, and nearly pathological when it came to maintaining a certain degree of order around her, she couldn't even remember the last time she had left dishes in the sink overnight. When she turned to the leftovers in the take out cartons from her favorite Indian restaurant all the way up in Medford, she stopped for a moment, again ruminating on how thoughtful and sweet it was for Olivia to go so far out of her way to surprise her. That was of course just like the blonde she reflected for a moment before she realized she was standing there with a goofy smile plastered across her face. Shaking her head at her own silliness she grabbed up the containers quickly putting them in the fridge.

Lost in thought under the soothing hot spray of the shower, the steady pressure pleasantly massaging her stiff muscles, she was startled when the spray started to cool off very fast. Never running out of hot water, even when she and Abby took consecutive showers in the morning before work or they enjoyed a luxuriously long one together, was one of her favorite things about this apartment. Grudgingly she came back to her senses, at least as much as was required to quickly rinse the conditioner from her hair. She turned off the shower that's lukewarm temperature was just about to get unpleasantly cold. She dried herself off recognizing that she was cold but not caring enough to let it rush her, before absently ambling into the bedroom to grab some pajamas.

Finding her warmest flannel set she found that she was still chilly and walked over to the thermostat. With her hand halfway up to the dial she paused as her eyes caught sight of the hoodie the blonde had forgotten a couple of weeks earlier. It was folded neatly and draped over the back of a chair near her bedroom door where Astrid could see it easily in hopes that she wouldn't forget again to give it back the next time the blonde agent was visiting. Astrid's hand suddenly changed direction reaching down to brush her fingertips over the soft well-worn material of the sweatshirt emblazoned with the Marine Corps logo. Frowning she sighed reluctantly admitting to herself that she had been forgetting to return it quite intentionally because she liked having something of the other woman nearby.

Refusing to give it too much thought, she picked it and pulled it over her head. It was oversized for Olivia and she found she was nearly swimming in it. She could still smell the other woman on it. Her own understated personal scent combined with the vanilla moisturizer she knew Olivia always used. It smelled nice, comforting...warm? Could a scent smell warm, she idly wondered wandering over to the built in bench in front of the triple sided half hexagon window where she often found herself when she had something serious on her mind.

Sitting down she slumped back into one of the big throw pillows she had leaned against the wall of the small alcove. Closing her eyes she took a shaky deep breath before slowly exhaling in an effort to calm her frazzled nerves. Her head was spinning with a jumble of worries and fears she been forcing her conscious mind to avoid for several weeks now. Unfortunately denial was no longer her forte; she couldn't avoid the truth forever. She cringed at the memory of a time when she had been a master at burying her feelings that is until she got her second stress related ulcer at the ripe old age of twenty.

At that time in her life she was becoming increasingly self-destructive with a big side order of deep depression. It was when she found herself sitting in the bathtub contemplating the razor knife she had swiped out of toolbox left unattended when they were doing some construction on campus that she knew she had to do something about this or she was done for. Since then she was careful to watch for any signs of relapse into depression or avoidance of things that were easier left not dealt with, and tonight she had forced herself to do just that, deal with it…

She was falling head over heels in love with one Olivia Dunham, her friend, her co-worker, technically her boss. In allowing this realization to settle over herself she only felt even more off kilter. She was torn between relief at finally acknowledging what was happening to her heart and anxiety at all the repercussions that were racing through her brain; the ones she knew very well came along with such intense however misplaced feelings.

_God she's so…so perfect. _Her inner monologue began as she groaned in defeat pulling her knees up tightly to her chest and dropping her head on her folded arms. _Olivia was so quick and clever in every situation she found herself in, smarter than most that did not know her well ever gave her credit for. But Astrid saw. She saw everything about the slightly older agent very clearly. She saw her unrelenting strength of character and personal principals. She saw her dedication to whatever she was working on at any given time. She saw her unwavering generosity, sensitivity, and the intense protective streak when it came to anyone she cared about._

_Stop it you idiot! This is so wrong! _Astrid mentally chastised herself. Yes Olivia Dunham was wonderful, more than wonderful… but she was also straight to say nothing of her being very vulnerable at the moment. Hell, not just the moment, the other woman had been through enough crap for two lifetimes already. Being experimented on as a child, which seemed a cakewalk compared to her home life back then from what she understood. Realizing she had come face to face with the doctor who used her as a Guinea Pig when she was a little girl after allowing herself to trust him so completely. To say nothing of the latest blow-being kidnapped in another universe only to return home to find she hadn't even been missed… a very crafty imposter taking over her life in her absence.

Suddenly shivering again she reached over to the small afghan she had neatly folded on the other end of the bench seat and opened it up to wrap it tightly around her body. Unfortunately she soon found that she was still trembling and it had nothing to do with Boston's frigid winter temperature. Her skin felt warm and she knew what that meant.

She had always gotten shaky and tended to sweat when she didn't feel good about something she had done. When she was a child it was so easy to spot a lie coming from Astrid Farnsworth that she had quickly learned it was just easier to tell the truth no matter how bad it was and save herself from '_that look'. _ The skeptical '_wanna try that again only maybe this time lets go with the truth'_ expression her mother, teachers and friends gave her that clearly showed her she was busted for whatever she was trying to get away with, the one that always made her feel even tinier than she already was .

She knew she had been uncharacteristically rude when she cut things short tonight. When they watched a film together whether it be at Astrid's or the other woman's place, they almost always spent at least an hour after the movie discussing its merits or lack thereof. She thought it was fun when they agreed on everything, laughing excitedly when they could actually complete each other's sentences in their commentary…but when they found themselves in a heated argument with completely differing opinions on something, well that was something more akin to exhilarating, thrilling even, at least for the junior agent.

Astrid had been the captain of the debate team throughout high school, actually the first freshman at her school to ever be appointed to the position when she was just fourteen, followed by every year at university (except for one semester when her mother had been having a particularly rough time). Astrid rarely felt truly challenged by others in most arenas, but when it came to a rational intelligent verbal dispute she had always been considered unstoppable by her peers as well as superiors. They were absolutely correct in this assessment, even if she did say so herself, Astrid could argue just about anyone into the ground on practically any given subject.

While her very attractive-oh hell, who was she kidding…her drop dead gorgeous, sexy as all get out-friend Olivia, had often proven to be on her level in so many ways it was only recently she realized how well she could hold her own in a verbal joust. This of course just made Astrid crazier about her. The slight crush she was barely able to acknowledge even to herself just a few short months ago had gotten way out of control.

Now sitting here in the dark the analyst felt terrible for practically giving her the bum's rush tonight. Closing her eyes and picturing the disappointed expression on the older woman's face as she feigned exhaustion right after the movie certainly was not one of her proudest moments. It was just a little white lie though and she thought she could pull it off. _ Actually I'm not really 'not tired'-so not even necessarily a lie at all so much as an exaggeration, right? _She remembered desperately trying to rationalize her behavior even if only in her own mind so she would appear more convincing. She didn't know if she could handle **'that****look' **from Olivia. She put on her best poker face hoping that the keenly observant federal agent and former prosecutor could not sense that she was full of shit.

But then when Olivia said, "You do look a little peaked do you have a fever or-?" and had reached out to gently place the back of her hand to Astrid's heated cheek (the heat of course not having anything to do with her actually running a temperature due to any illness). Lying had seemed the lesser of two evils when she tried to rationalize her behavior as protecting the blonde from her less than 'honorable' hidden desires. And so she had pushed Olivia away rather than taking advantage of the delicate state of mind the other woman was currently in.

'_Bullshit,' _she mentally rebuked herself. 'Y_ou're not trying to protect Olivia; you're throwing up the emotional shields to cover your own weak cowardly ass!' _

She knew that she had no excuse, as a friend she would normally be loathed to abandon anyone she cared about no matter what the situation. That said she again came to the terrifying conclusion that this was way too intensely real for her to try to ignore.

Getting slowly up she walked over to her bed in a bit of a haze crawling under the covers and curling into a tight ball she cried herself to sleep.

Olivia found herself pondering her own uneasiness about the evening as she let herself into her own apartment after the taxi dropped her home. She worried that Astrid seemed a little off tonight and was surprised at the how much it bothered her. Contemplating the whole night she found she was kept re-examining her every move, concerned that she had said or done something wrong. Seriously, she thought, she was being ridiculous and a little egotistical; Astrid's life didn't revolve around Olivia after all, so what made her think tonight was about her at all.

But as she changed into a tank top and boxer shorts for bed she couldn't help herself from replaying the way the younger woman had actually flinched and jerked away when their hands 'accidentally' brushed together when reaching at the same time for their movie snack. She knew Astrid was not the most touchy- feely person in the world and God knew neither was she. Still somehow after waking up in the other woman's comforting embrace a few times she found herself actually wanting to have and maybe going out of her way to encourage physical contact with the wonderful young woman that had come to mean so much to her over the last few months. Olivia was most likely overreacting but then she found herself feeling bad that she may have been invading her friend's personal space. _'God…needy and self-absorbed much Olivia?' She_ thought chiding herself, '_Because everything's all about you right?'_

Scolding herself internally she decided she just needed to sleep and stop being all weird over what was probably nothing. With that harsh last thought she tried to shut her thoughts off, it took quite some time before she actually accomplished this seemingly simple resolution to what she kept telling herself was no big deal.

It was almost two weeks since that night when Olivia approached her friend as they were getting their things together in the lab to head home for the weekend. "Hey what do you say we grab some pizza and check out Apollo 18 tonight?" She smiled down at the shorter woman hopefully, "Top Secret Government Agency conspiracies, I expect it will be very shred able."

Olivia tried to suppress her anxiety and keep the easy relaxed smile on her face when she saw the panicked expression in the darker woman's eyes, quickly followed by a clear desperation to sound truthful when she explained she had to call her grandma tonight, it being her 80th birthday. "Oh OK tell her happy birthday from me." She said politely and then headed toward the exit in as hasty a departure as possible, not wanting Astrid to know that she could easily tell she was lying about her grandmother's birthday.

The blonde may have given it her best shot to cover her reaction to Astrid's rejection but the sensitive intuitive younger woman didn't miss the hurt expression that flitted across Olivia's face. "Hey, maybe next week-"she called after the other woman hoping to reassure.

Olivia turned back to her with that brilliant brave smile she often faced the world with and nodded with obviously false confidence, "Sure."

To anyone else Olivia could have pulled off the casual attitude that it was no big deal But Astrid knew her better than that. She knew distancing herself from the other woman like this was wrong. She had gone to her apartment that first night filled with worry for her co-worker and had basically taken on the role of caretaker and confidante only to yank the support out from underneath her all of a sudden because she finally had to deal with her _little crush. _

"Hell!" she murmured harshly to herself leaning against the counter and cradling her head in her hands. "What am I doing?"

"I would say you are avoiding Agent Dunham for some reason." Walter stated calmly walking out of the shadows of the back of the lab where she hadn't even been aware he was lurking.

"What?" her head jerked up to meet his eyes like a deer caught in headlights.

"Of course we must take into consideration that I spent the last seventeen years institutionalized so I may not be the best judge of human being to human being interaction. Then again I cannot imagine any of that changed too drastically while I 'was away'." He smiled at his own self-deprecating insinuations.

Astrid stared at the literally mad scientist before her that she had grown so fond of over a relatively short period of time. She felt a mixture of annoyance and maybe some awe at how this _clinically _crazy old white man, who still sometimes forgot her name, but knew her so well. Turning back to the counter and away from his inquisitive stare she placed the files she had planned to go over that weekend one by one neatly into her bag trying to appear as normal as possible. Besides her hands shaking slightly she could also feel the heat in her cheeks and really didn't know how to address her friends piercing gaze let alone his completely accurate summation of the situation she had unintentionally broadcast aloud in front of him. "Don't be silly Walter," she said attempting nonchalance, "Why would I be avoiding Olivia?"

"Well obviously I would require more background information to give a scientifically sound diagnosis of your reasons for not feeling comfortable in the company of our wonderful Olivia." Unconcernedly he mixed two very potent and quite possibly highly flammable chemicals in a beaker as he half smirked and half grimaced with concern as he noted out of the corner of his eye Astrid's form visibly tensing before him. "If your current body language is any indication however, I would definitely say that my original analysis that something about your superior agent is making you distinctly uncomfortable is quite correct."

When Astrid turned back to him with a contemplative hesitant frown that reached up to the furrow between her eyebrows he easily focused his attention on the experimental substances he was combining. He did not want to spook the amazingly intuitive young woman he had come to think of as a grandchild. While he spoke the truth that he was so very, very, very out of practice with people relating to one another he also knew deep down that his instincts about this were absolutely correct. The awkwardness between the two young women was rapidly becoming palpable and he so wanted to be there for them as both of the wonderful young people were always there for him when he found himself in crisis.

Astrid was torn between wanting to pour her guts out to him and needing to figure this out for herself. "Walter your being silly," she quickly opted for the latter, "Olivia does not making me uncomfortable and I am certainly not avoiding her-"

"There were seven times." Walter said quietly but confidently, as if he were telling a fellow fourth grader a secret.

"Huh?" Astrid asked looking at him in confusion.

"Seven separate occasions that I am aware of in the last thirteen days when you found some sort of excuse to not be alone with Olivia." He stated matter or factly.

Astrid picked up her things and headed for the door trying to decide if she were annoyed or touched by Walter's concern. "Sometimes people just don't behave well Walter."

**A/N: Yeah this took me a long time to update, so I thought about the excuses I could go with…Writer's Block-that's a good one. Then there is the whole personal tragedy in real life-sure that's buy-able. My computer broke down or I somehow lost my internet-soooo believable. Truth is I just didn't get around to it because I'm a bit lazy and self-absorbed. So anyway I would like to thank anyone who still cares to give this a glimpse despite my lousy work ethic. I really do appreciate any reviews you can give.**


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